(no subject)

[eatmoreprotein]

I try really hard not to mope all the way home, but it's sort of a lost cause. I have a box full of handmade cards and little gifts from all the kids, and I kept a stiff upper lip until they were all gone, but now I'm sort of crumbling. I knew it was coming since the day I took the job, but I never realized how hard it would be.

The last day of camp is a total bummer.

When I get back home, I'm staring at my own apartment door for a moment before I remember that the dogs are at Bits' place. More importantly, Bits is at Bits' place. I spent so long dealing with things on my own, but I don't have to do that anymore. I don't have to hide what I'm feeling, not from him.

So I turn around on knock on his door, and wow, even my knock sounds miserable.

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[eatmoreprotein]

"I hope not," I murmur, sighing happily when Bits touches me. "I want to stay awake so that I can repay you for the massage."

We're both getting a little bolder when it comes to sex, a little less nervous to talk about what we want. We still haven't-- well, gone all the way for lack of a better term. I think I'm ready. Well, no. I won't be ready until Bits is ready, because I'd never want to do it if he wasn't just as on board.

It's the one thing that I'm still not quite sure how to bring up, but for now I'll just enjoy this. Bits' touch feels like a gift and every time, and one that I definitely do not plan on taking for granted.

[puckandpie]

"There's no expiration date on the repayment, Mr. Zimmermann," I assure him with a quiet laugh, smoothing my hand up his back and giving his shoulder a squeeze before shifting to swing my leg over his hips. It's a much better angle this way, plus, it gives me the excuse of getting to sit right on Jack's perfect behind so I'm all for it.

Smiling a little, I run my hands down his back, kneading gently at the base of his spine and working my way up carefully, leaning forward a bit to press more of my weight against him.

"Tell me if it's too much or if just doesn't feel right, okay?" I tell him because I'm definitely no expert at this at all. In truth, I barely know what I'm doing at all aside from having a nice excuse to put my hands all over him.

[eatmoreprotein]

"Mm, a little harder," I breathe out, relaxing as Bittle's weight settles comfortably on my back. "It feels really good, Bits."

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, focusing on his hands as they dig into the sore spots on my back. What also helps me relax is to think about how grateful I am for Bits, and all that he does for me. I really, truly don't know what I would do without him.

"Hey Bits," I drawl out a bit later, accent thick. "Do you think this would have happened eventually back home? Us, I mean."

[puckandpie]

With my hands planted against his back, I try to rub a little harder, digging into the tight muscle there, trying to loosen all those knots. Jack carries so much stress in his shoulders; he's just a solid mass of anxiety under his skin right here. It's impossible to attack broadly so I start honing in on sections at a time, smoothing my hands down his spine to start low.

"Hmm?" I reply before he starts asking, his voice low and clearly comfortable, words tinged with that little bit of Quebecois lilt that's somehow both adorable and really hot.

The question is a little surprising, but it's not like it's not something I haven't wondered myself. "Honestly, I don't know," I tell him, frowning down at my hands as I try to picture it. "I mean, I think... I think probably not, what with you headin' to the NHL and all. It's one thing to be out as a college student on one of the most LGBT-friendly campuses in the country and quite another to be out in a professional sport. And I know how important hockey is to you, I know that's your one true love."

I fall quiet then, just for a moment before shrugging as I smooth my hands up higher. "And you were fittin' to move across the country anyway, weren't you? So even we'd fallen into something like this for awhile, if just a week or two, it's not like we could've kept it up, right?"

[eatmoreprotein]

"Oh." It's all that I can really say, brows furrowing as I think about all that he's said. My shoulders draw up again, tensing even under his hands. "I was going to sign with Providence. It was-- closer."

Maybe he's right. Maybe we never would have gotten our shit together. He certainly doesn't seem to think so. I let out a breath and rest my cheek on the pillow, but I can't really let that be the end of it. "I can love more than one thing."

It just seems important that I make that clear. I want him to know that.

[puckandpie]

Providence had been one of a handful of teams Jack had been looking at, I know. I remember that so well now. And I'd be lying if I said I hadn't hoped he'd pick that one. But he was just as likely then to pick Seattle or Boston or any number of other cities.

Jack's muscles have gone all knotted up again and I frown down at my hands as I try to work them out again, digging my fingers slowly up his spine.

"I know that," I tell him, my face flushing at that one word. "I'm not-- I don't think you're some kind of robot even if we've joked about that sometimes. It's just. It'd be different there, don't you think? You'd have a career to think about and I'm not naive enough to think you'd be jumping at the chance to come out. So even if were together, well. It wouldn't be like here."

[eatmoreprotein]

"I guess not," I breathe out, unsure of what else to say about the topic. It's not like anything that he's saying is totally wrong, I suppose. There's nothing to refute, but it all still leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

He says that I'm not a robot, and I can only hope that he's being sincere. I've been trying so hard since I got here, trying to be good at more things than just the one. Swallowing hard, I slowly turn over onto my back, reaching out to steady Bittle so that he's sitting across my thighs. "I guess it's a good thing that we're here then."

[puckandpie]

Jack lets out a low, quiet breath, but he's still all knotted up. I try to work some of them out as best I can, but then he's shifting and I move over to give him the room before his hands are on my hips and he's guiding me back to straddle his waist.

"I'm--" I start, then falter a bit, frowning down at my hands where they're rested against his chest. Goodness, he is gorgeous. It's not something I ever forget, but when I'm literally sitting on him like this, with all of him stretched out beneath me, well... it's just a lot more overwhelming.

Guiltily, I lift my gaze to meet his. "It feels selfish to say so," I admit. "I know it's not the sort of life you ever saw for yourself and I'd still-- I'd honestly give anything, even all of this, for you to-- to have that again." I can't quite bring myself to say that I'd wish for him to go home. It's where he belongs, I know that. It's where all his dreams are. And I know it's completely selfish, I really do, but I don't want him to not be here. I don't want to be without him.

[eatmoreprotein]

"Bits, there's nothing to be done," I say gently, sliding my hands up under his shirt to rest against his sides. "I can spend my time pining for something I can't have, or I can glad for what I do have."

It's a mature approach, I think, and one that I'm trying to adhere to. "I'll always miss hockey. Always. But if I get to have you like this, it's a pretty fair trade."

[puckandpie]

I'm fairly sure there's nothing here in Darrow that's at all fair, but I can't deny that Jack's words fill me with warmth all the same. The feel of his warm hands slipping up under my shirt doesn't hurt either.

"Maybe it's selfish to want both, but I kinda do," I admit, grazing my fingers over his pecs and then down the center of his chest. "Can you imagine if we could make it work back home? I bet I'd make a pretty good WAG. And if you did sign with the Falconers, you wouldn't be too far away. I bet there's a bus that goes straight to Providence, even. Might not be impossible."

[eatmoreprotein]

"I'd do whatever I could to make it work," I promise him, getting slightly distracted by the gentle touch of Bittle's fingers. I let out a deep breath and picture some wonderful fantasy world in which I could somehow have my cake and eat it too, sliding my hands further up Bittle's slides and around to his chest. My thumbs drag over the tight buds of his nipples and my brow furrows slightly as a I look up at him. "What's a WAG?"

[puckandpie]

It's a nice thought, I'll admit that. It seems like a dream if I'm completely honest, for Jack to have hockey and me have him. Of course, all that would hinge on me having the guts to say anything, probably and I don't know that I would've.

But it's still nice to think about.

"Wives and girlfriends, silly," I tell him with a grin. "I mean, obviously I'd be neither, but I bet I could make them all like me if I tried hard enough. Free baked goods go a long way." I guess, if nothing else, Carson had been right about that. I guess in some ways, I do manipulate people into liking me.

[eatmoreprotein]

"There are plenty of other reasons to like you, Bits," I assure him, laughing a little and pulling him down for a kiss. I roll us over so that I can press Bittle down into the sheets, my thighs nestled between his legs as I give him another soft kiss. "You're very likeable. Every part of me likes you, Bits."

[puckandpie]

Jack shifts again, this time rolling me onto my back and I grin up at him, hands pressed to his broad chest as I wrap my legs around his waist.

"Oh yeah? And what reasons might those be, hmm?"

[eatmoreprotein]

"Well, you're very warm," I tell him, sliding my hands up his sides again to feel his warm skin, and then I drag my fingers across his tight stomach. "But firm when you need to be."

My smile turns into a bit of a sly grin, and I pull his shirt over his head to toss it aside. All that soft, sun-kissed skin is laid bare for me and lean down to leave a trail of kisses across his throat. "You're gorgeous, and you're good." More kisses, and I continue mumbling the praise into his skin. "You make everyone who knows you want to be better. You made me better."

[puckandpie]

He smooths his hands up under my shirt, the touch firm enough to not tickle at all before he's pulling my shirt up and off.

"If anything, you made yourself better, mister," I tell him, shivering a little at the touch of his lips against my throat. Turning my head to give him better access, I smooth my hands further down his chest and sides, still just overwhelmed by the fact that I can do this. I get to touch him almost all I want. "Which is saying something because you've always been pretty wonderful."

I pause then, breath catching as he keeps scattering kisses and I can feel my cheeks go pink even as I say, "Do you really think I'm gorgeous?"

[eatmoreprotein]

"Of course I do," I reply, just before pressing a kiss to the base of his throat and letting my tongue dip into the hollow there. My own shirt gets removed somewhere along the way, and I let out a soft sigh of pleasure at the feeling of his skin against mine. "Distractingly so. And yes, I know that isn't a real word."

Smirking, I drag my lips up and over his chin to kiss him again. "That's just how gorgeous you are. My English goes right out the window."

[puckandpie]

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that is a word," I argue, though my laugh comes out a little breathy as he kisses a line up to my lips. Of course, I can't go without kissing him back and I hum into his mouth as I slide my hand around to his back, keeping him pressed all along the front of me.

Thing is, it's easy as anything to believe him. I know I'm not nearly the most attractive person in this city or any other, but I don't doubt Jack wants me. He's given me no reason at all to believe otherwise. "Though, I'd argue you're the one being a lot more distracting right now," I add with a wide grin.

[eatmoreprotein]

"Is it? Shit, see?" I laugh against his jaw and then take his lips in a kiss, sliding my hand up the arm that isn't around me and threading our fingers together. I press our joined hands into the bed above Bits' head and kiss the soft skin under his arm, letting my lips skin along the curve of his tricep before pulling back to look at him.

"I'd like to keep distracting you," I tell him in a low rumble of a voice, unable to help the way that my hips roll forward the slightest bit. "In whatever way you choose."

[puckandpie]

Jack lifts my arm, pressing it into the mattress above my head, our hands clasped. He's gentle about it, slow as he brushes a kiss along the soft skin of my arm, just enough pressure not to tickle. He's not really holding me down or anything, but there's the smallest hint of it and it's... with anyone else, it might make me nervous. But it isn't anyone else. It's Jack.

And it feels really really good.

Especially when he rocks his hips forward and I feel just what this is doing to him already. That's still a little dizzying and I can't help the groan that pushes free as I slide my hand lower down his back, trying to encourage him.

"I like this kind," I tell him, dipping my fingertips just inside his waistband. "Maybe, uhm. You know, you're even more distracting when you're naked."

[eatmoreprotein]

"Is that so?" I reply with a grin, kissing his jaw as his hand slides into my underwear. After giving him a playful nip, I sit up and remove the rest of my clothes. Once they're tossed aside, I curl my fingers into the waistband of his sweats and pull them down along with his underwear, letting out a content sigh once the rest of his lean body is revealed to me.

"Gorgeous," I breathe out, leaning down to press a kiss just below his navel. With my eyes locked on his, I drag my tongue slowly up the middle of his stomach and chest, not stopping until I reach his throat. His skin tastes amazing, and I let out a soft moan as I settle down on top of him once more. Our hips line up and I rock forward again, cock stiffening against his hip as I bring our mouths together in a slow, filthy sort of kiss. "Is this distracting enough?"

[puckandpie]

I don't think I'll ever get used to watching Jack undress, to being able to see every bit of him naked. Even if I wasn't already half-way hard, I'd be there now, but I don't move a muscle to remove any of the rest of my own clothing, just delighting in staring at him.

At least until he's leaning over me again, pressing a kiss to my stomach. There's enough pressure not to tickle, but I do laugh, a low, delighted sound as he stretches out on top of me again. I wrap my arms around him as he settles his hips against mine, his cock a hard line against my hip and I don't bother biting back a groan as I arch up against him.

"Mmm," I reply, smoothing my hand over his upper back as I rock upward a little. I can't stop grinning and I lean up just enough to give his bottom lip a light bite. "Honestly, I feel pretty focused right now. Guess you'll have to try harder."

[eatmoreprotein]

"Mm, that so?" I ask with a grin, moaning softly when he bites my lip. I pull back enough to reach up and lick my palm, and then reach down between us to wrap my hand around Bits' cock. Stroking slowly, I keep my eyes locked on his so I can watch the way his face changes as I touch him. "Tu as l'air en forme. Tellement chaud."

His cock stiffens further in my hand and I drag my thumb across the head before sliding my hand down, cupping his balls as I press the tips of my fingers to his hole. "I want to touch you everywhere."

[puckandpie]

"Oh, goodness," I breathe as he wraps his huge hand around me and starts stroking. I drop my head back against the mattress and shift enough to free one leg from beneath him so I can spread a bit. It's the perfect choice as he takes the opportunity to lightly cup my balls, fingertips grazing back just enough to tease along my hole.

Instinctively, I tense a bit, but the touch is good. I don't really want him to stop at all.

"I don't-- don't know what means,"I admit with a quiet laugh, my eyelids fluttering even as I don't look away from him for a moment. "Better not be speakin' dirty in a language I don't even know."

[eatmoreprotein]

"Caught me," I say with a rough chuckle, watching his face. He tenses for a moment and I pause, but then he relaxes and shudders in this overwhelmingly beautiful way. His hole clenches against my fingers and continue to rub in slow circles, lazy and unhurried.

"Maybe I should give you some lessons, eh?" I kiss my way up his throat and then bite lightly at his chin before working my way down his chest, sliding my hand back up around his cock as I dip my tongue into his navel. "Maybe some flashcards."

My mouth waters at the thought of getting my tongue on his cock, but I can't resist teasing him a bit more. "Voulez-vous que je vous suce?"