(no subject)

[eatmoreprotein]

I try really hard not to mope all the way home, but it's sort of a lost cause. I have a box full of handmade cards and little gifts from all the kids, and I kept a stiff upper lip until they were all gone, but now I'm sort of crumbling. I knew it was coming since the day I took the job, but I never realized how hard it would be.

The last day of camp is a total bummer.

When I get back home, I'm staring at my own apartment door for a moment before I remember that the dogs are at Bits' place. More importantly, Bits is at Bits' place. I spent so long dealing with things on my own, but I don't have to do that anymore. I don't have to hide what I'm feeling, not from him.

So I turn around on knock on his door, and wow, even my knock sounds miserable.

Comments

[puckandpie]

Jack lets out a low, quiet breath, but he's still all knotted up. I try to work some of them out as best I can, but then he's shifting and I move over to give him the room before his hands are on my hips and he's guiding me back to straddle his waist.

"I'm--" I start, then falter a bit, frowning down at my hands where they're rested against his chest. Goodness, he is gorgeous. It's not something I ever forget, but when I'm literally sitting on him like this, with all of him stretched out beneath me, well... it's just a lot more overwhelming.

Guiltily, I lift my gaze to meet his. "It feels selfish to say so," I admit. "I know it's not the sort of life you ever saw for yourself and I'd still-- I'd honestly give anything, even all of this, for you to-- to have that again." I can't quite bring myself to say that I'd wish for him to go home. It's where he belongs, I know that. It's where all his dreams are. And I know it's completely selfish, I really do, but I don't want him to not be here. I don't want to be without him.

[eatmoreprotein]

"Bits, there's nothing to be done," I say gently, sliding my hands up under his shirt to rest against his sides. "I can spend my time pining for something I can't have, or I can glad for what I do have."

It's a mature approach, I think, and one that I'm trying to adhere to. "I'll always miss hockey. Always. But if I get to have you like this, it's a pretty fair trade."

[puckandpie]

I'm fairly sure there's nothing here in Darrow that's at all fair, but I can't deny that Jack's words fill me with warmth all the same. The feel of his warm hands slipping up under my shirt doesn't hurt either.

"Maybe it's selfish to want both, but I kinda do," I admit, grazing my fingers over his pecs and then down the center of his chest. "Can you imagine if we could make it work back home? I bet I'd make a pretty good WAG. And if you did sign with the Falconers, you wouldn't be too far away. I bet there's a bus that goes straight to Providence, even. Might not be impossible."

[eatmoreprotein]

"I'd do whatever I could to make it work," I promise him, getting slightly distracted by the gentle touch of Bittle's fingers. I let out a deep breath and picture some wonderful fantasy world in which I could somehow have my cake and eat it too, sliding my hands further up Bittle's slides and around to his chest. My thumbs drag over the tight buds of his nipples and my brow furrows slightly as a I look up at him. "What's a WAG?"

[puckandpie]

It's a nice thought, I'll admit that. It seems like a dream if I'm completely honest, for Jack to have hockey and me have him. Of course, all that would hinge on me having the guts to say anything, probably and I don't know that I would've.

But it's still nice to think about.

"Wives and girlfriends, silly," I tell him with a grin. "I mean, obviously I'd be neither, but I bet I could make them all like me if I tried hard enough. Free baked goods go a long way." I guess, if nothing else, Carson had been right about that. I guess in some ways, I do manipulate people into liking me.

[eatmoreprotein]

"There are plenty of other reasons to like you, Bits," I assure him, laughing a little and pulling him down for a kiss. I roll us over so that I can press Bittle down into the sheets, my thighs nestled between his legs as I give him another soft kiss. "You're very likeable. Every part of me likes you, Bits."

[puckandpie]

Jack shifts again, this time rolling me onto my back and I grin up at him, hands pressed to his broad chest as I wrap my legs around his waist.

"Oh yeah? And what reasons might those be, hmm?"

[eatmoreprotein]

"Well, you're very warm," I tell him, sliding my hands up his sides again to feel his warm skin, and then I drag my fingers across his tight stomach. "But firm when you need to be."

My smile turns into a bit of a sly grin, and I pull his shirt over his head to toss it aside. All that soft, sun-kissed skin is laid bare for me and lean down to leave a trail of kisses across his throat. "You're gorgeous, and you're good." More kisses, and I continue mumbling the praise into his skin. "You make everyone who knows you want to be better. You made me better."

[puckandpie]

He smooths his hands up under my shirt, the touch firm enough to not tickle at all before he's pulling my shirt up and off.

"If anything, you made yourself better, mister," I tell him, shivering a little at the touch of his lips against my throat. Turning my head to give him better access, I smooth my hands further down his chest and sides, still just overwhelmed by the fact that I can do this. I get to touch him almost all I want. "Which is saying something because you've always been pretty wonderful."

I pause then, breath catching as he keeps scattering kisses and I can feel my cheeks go pink even as I say, "Do you really think I'm gorgeous?"

[eatmoreprotein]

"Of course I do," I reply, just before pressing a kiss to the base of his throat and letting my tongue dip into the hollow there. My own shirt gets removed somewhere along the way, and I let out a soft sigh of pleasure at the feeling of his skin against mine. "Distractingly so. And yes, I know that isn't a real word."

Smirking, I drag my lips up and over his chin to kiss him again. "That's just how gorgeous you are. My English goes right out the window."

[puckandpie]

"Actually, I'm pretty sure that is a word," I argue, though my laugh comes out a little breathy as he kisses a line up to my lips. Of course, I can't go without kissing him back and I hum into his mouth as I slide my hand around to his back, keeping him pressed all along the front of me.

Thing is, it's easy as anything to believe him. I know I'm not nearly the most attractive person in this city or any other, but I don't doubt Jack wants me. He's given me no reason at all to believe otherwise. "Though, I'd argue you're the one being a lot more distracting right now," I add with a wide grin.

[eatmoreprotein]

"Is it? Shit, see?" I laugh against his jaw and then take his lips in a kiss, sliding my hand up the arm that isn't around me and threading our fingers together. I press our joined hands into the bed above Bits' head and kiss the soft skin under his arm, letting my lips skin along the curve of his tricep before pulling back to look at him.

"I'd like to keep distracting you," I tell him in a low rumble of a voice, unable to help the way that my hips roll forward the slightest bit. "In whatever way you choose."

[puckandpie]

Jack lifts my arm, pressing it into the mattress above my head, our hands clasped. He's gentle about it, slow as he brushes a kiss along the soft skin of my arm, just enough pressure not to tickle. He's not really holding me down or anything, but there's the smallest hint of it and it's... with anyone else, it might make me nervous. But it isn't anyone else. It's Jack.

And it feels really really good.

Especially when he rocks his hips forward and I feel just what this is doing to him already. That's still a little dizzying and I can't help the groan that pushes free as I slide my hand lower down his back, trying to encourage him.

"I like this kind," I tell him, dipping my fingertips just inside his waistband. "Maybe, uhm. You know, you're even more distracting when you're naked."

[eatmoreprotein]

"Is that so?" I reply with a grin, kissing his jaw as his hand slides into my underwear. After giving him a playful nip, I sit up and remove the rest of my clothes. Once they're tossed aside, I curl my fingers into the waistband of his sweats and pull them down along with his underwear, letting out a content sigh once the rest of his lean body is revealed to me.

"Gorgeous," I breathe out, leaning down to press a kiss just below his navel. With my eyes locked on his, I drag my tongue slowly up the middle of his stomach and chest, not stopping until I reach his throat. His skin tastes amazing, and I let out a soft moan as I settle down on top of him once more. Our hips line up and I rock forward again, cock stiffening against his hip as I bring our mouths together in a slow, filthy sort of kiss. "Is this distracting enough?"

[puckandpie]

I don't think I'll ever get used to watching Jack undress, to being able to see every bit of him naked. Even if I wasn't already half-way hard, I'd be there now, but I don't move a muscle to remove any of the rest of my own clothing, just delighting in staring at him.

At least until he's leaning over me again, pressing a kiss to my stomach. There's enough pressure not to tickle, but I do laugh, a low, delighted sound as he stretches out on top of me again. I wrap my arms around him as he settles his hips against mine, his cock a hard line against my hip and I don't bother biting back a groan as I arch up against him.

"Mmm," I reply, smoothing my hand over his upper back as I rock upward a little. I can't stop grinning and I lean up just enough to give his bottom lip a light bite. "Honestly, I feel pretty focused right now. Guess you'll have to try harder."

[eatmoreprotein]

"Mm, that so?" I ask with a grin, moaning softly when he bites my lip. I pull back enough to reach up and lick my palm, and then reach down between us to wrap my hand around Bits' cock. Stroking slowly, I keep my eyes locked on his so I can watch the way his face changes as I touch him. "Tu as l'air en forme. Tellement chaud."

His cock stiffens further in my hand and I drag my thumb across the head before sliding my hand down, cupping his balls as I press the tips of my fingers to his hole. "I want to touch you everywhere."

[puckandpie]

"Oh, goodness," I breathe as he wraps his huge hand around me and starts stroking. I drop my head back against the mattress and shift enough to free one leg from beneath him so I can spread a bit. It's the perfect choice as he takes the opportunity to lightly cup my balls, fingertips grazing back just enough to tease along my hole.

Instinctively, I tense a bit, but the touch is good. I don't really want him to stop at all.

"I don't-- don't know what means,"I admit with a quiet laugh, my eyelids fluttering even as I don't look away from him for a moment. "Better not be speakin' dirty in a language I don't even know."

[eatmoreprotein]

"Caught me," I say with a rough chuckle, watching his face. He tenses for a moment and I pause, but then he relaxes and shudders in this overwhelmingly beautiful way. His hole clenches against my fingers and continue to rub in slow circles, lazy and unhurried.

"Maybe I should give you some lessons, eh?" I kiss my way up his throat and then bite lightly at his chin before working my way down his chest, sliding my hand back up around his cock as I dip my tongue into his navel. "Maybe some flashcards."

My mouth waters at the thought of getting my tongue on his cock, but I can't resist teasing him a bit more. "Voulez-vous que je vous suce?"

[puckandpie]

He hasn't pushed his fingers in at all. Not yet. Without lube, it'd probably hurt anyway, but I can't deny I want him there, and he can probably feel it with the way my dick jerks in his hand, his mouth brushing along my belly-button.

"Maybe you should just tell me what you're sayin'," I counter, but there's no real heat in my tone. Mostly because he's already making me dizzy and breathless.

I card my fingers through his hair, tugging lightly as I arch my back and then roll my hips, trying to be encouraging. "Oh, but I know my Christina Aguilera, sweetheart," I add with a low laugh, tipping my head up to grin down at him. "Voulez vous coucher avec moi?"

[eatmoreprotein]

I have no idea who Christa Aguilera is, but I let out a pleased shiver when he calls me sweetheart. Bittle is generous with the pet names, and I'm a little surprised by how much I like them. Moving down further, I drag my tongue along the groove of his hip, but I freeze when I hear those words fall from Bittle's mouth. In French, no less. When did he

"I-- what?" I lift my head to look at him, blue eyes wide as my cheeks heat up. I wasn't expecting this tonight. I mean, I'm never expecting it, obviously. But I do want it. "Oui, I do. I just-- are you sure?"

[puckandpie]

Jack stops suddenly, lifting his head to look up at me, his blue eyes blown dark and cheeks all pink. He looks downright shocked and I can't at all understand why. It's not like Jack and I haven't shared a bed countless times already.

"I mean-- yes?" I reply, grazing my fingers down his temple lightly. "Why is that so surprising? You know I love sharing a bed with you."

Or at least he should by now considering how often it's happened. At this point, it's a wonder if we even pretend to have to separate apartments.

[eatmoreprotein]

"Oh. You meant--" I feel my chest tighten, and the excitement crashes into something like disappointment. I'm not upset if he's not ready. It's just that he's naked in my bed, writhing and flushed pink under me. I'd have to not have a pulse at all if I didn't want to have sex with him. "You meant literally sleep. That's not really the context in which that phrase is usually used."

A laugh spills out of me then, soft and fond. My hand slides up his thigh and I lean in to give him a quick kiss, unable to help chirping him a bit. "Bits, you just asked me if I wanted to sleep with you tonight."

[puckandpie]

There's a flicker then, just a slight dimming of Jack's expression that makes a lot more sense when he starts talking.

Mortified, I feel my cheeks go pink even as he slides to press kiss to my lips, clearly more amused by mistake than truly upset. Though now I can't stop thinking about how quickly he'd responded, how adamant. It's been no secret at all that Jack's way more experienced with all this stuff than I am, that we're both just sort of waiting on me to be comfortable, but I guess I hadn't realized just how much Jack wants that.

"It's a song," I tell him a little weakly, my hands sliding up his arms. "I just thought it was..." I trail off, shaking my head because that's not really what's important here. "You know I want to, right? With you."

[eatmoreprotein]

I can see that he's embarrassed and I don't want him to be, so I kiss his warm cheeks and his chin, the corner of his mouth. When he mentions that it's a song, it triggers some sort of memory in the back of my brain, a fractured melody that I can't quite put together.

When he speaks again, my eyes flutter open and I pull back to look at him, smiling softly as I nod. I reach up to push his hair back, thumbing at his temple. "I know, Bits. I want to with you, too. But only when you're really ready. First times are a big deal."

And I want his to be better than mine. Not that it was awful, but-- it could have been better.

[puckandpie]

As long as I've spent in locker rooms over the years, I've heard all kinds of boy talk. Not so much at Samwell where Shitty was always around to snap at guys who got too close to sexist, but still. I know how some guys view sex. I know how I view sex.

There isn't a single part of me that doubts Jack means what he says is the thing. It's been months since we started officially dating and he's been nothing but wonderful the whole time. And patient.

That's probably the biggest turn on of all.

"Do you remember yours?" I ask him, brushing my fingers down the curve of his jaw and neck. He's still laying over me, a heavy, comfortable weight as I let out a low breath. "Was it good?"